Surviving After The Murder Of A Loved One
Guide Contents
Surviving After Murder ~
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Moving forward after the murder of a loved one is no easy task. Add to that the trauma of going through the trial of the murderer, and recovery may appear to be an overwhelming impossibility. In the early days when you may feel like you just cannot make it through another day, it is especially important to take things "one day at a time,"or even "one hour at a time." Give yourself the opportunity to regain your strength and emotional equilibrium by not thinking too far into the future right now.

The death of a loved one through murder brings with it many universal side effects which you should know are quite common. Some of these symptoms have, in fact, been likened by experts in trauma research and counseling to the post-traumatic stress syndrome experienced by many combat war veterans.
Flash-backs, insomnia, nightmares, and chronic fatigue are often frequent companions of survivors of violence. Increase or loss of appetite is another common symptom. You may become more fearful and distrustful of people than you were before the murder and discover that you startle quite easily. Irritability, memory loss, disorientation, and lack of concentration are experienced by man survivors. The inability to concentrate or focus often makes it necessary to have the same information repeated several times before it is fully understood. Many survivors find this embarrassing and consequently will often hesitate to ask questions of the prosecuting attorney or their advocate. Some are also fearful that these symptoms will affect their performance at work and cause them to lose their job.
You may also discover that at a time when you should be drawing strength from one another, there may instead be conflict or feelings of distance within the family unit. You may feel like an invisible barrier has been erected between you and those you love most, and that even they do not fully understand the depth of your sorrow or realize how difficult it may be for you to get through each day. Marriages that were once strong may go through a period of deterioration, with some actually ending in divorce. Bear in mind that each survivor, depending on his relationship both to and with the victim, experiences and works through grief differently. This sometime makes communication with even those to whom you are the closest extremely difficult.
Because the death of a child or spouse is especially devastating, the shock and grief which accompanies such losses may understandably cause the parent(s) or surviving spouse to focus primarily on their own despair. As a result they may unintentionally overlook the needs of surviving children, whether those cildren are youngsters or adults. Some adult survivors of murdered siblings have expressed the feeling that the murderer not only robbed them of their brother or sister, but a part of their parent(s) as well. When a parent has been murdered, the same feelings may occur as children watch the surviving parent grieve for the lost spouse.