Suggestions For Survivors From A Survivor
At the end of the in-person or telephone discussion, tell the individual you are talking to that you would like to clarify your understanding of the conversation based on your notes, and then briefly repeat what you have written down.This way you can avoid any possible misunderstandings and be confident that you have recorded details of the conversation accurately. Also, be sure that you record the name of the person with whom you have spoken, and the date and time of the call. When you make a telephone call, you might be passed from one person or office to another, with each giving you small bits of relevant information before you finally reach the person with whom you originally intended to talk. If you do not record names immediately, it is very easy, even a few days later, to forget exactly who gave you what information.
While you may believe that you will never forget any of the specifics of the murder itself, or of the legal process, survivors are often surprised to discover that as the weeks and months go by, may details do, in fact, become cloudy. This does not mean that the memory of the loved one fades, but rather that our psyche tends to instinctively protect us from thoughts and events which are far too painful to remember. Once again, writing things down will help you to feel more confident in your understanding of specific information directly related to the case, and in the daily functioning of your life as well.
Hampden, Hampshire and Franklin Counties have Victim/Witness Libraries containing books on the legal system that are written in language the average person can understand. Other publications offer helpful advice, encouragement, and support in the aftermath of crime. These books are available on loan to vic-tims and survivors of all forms of violence.
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Suggestions For
Survivors ~ Page 2
Guide Contents
You may find it helpful to keep a daily journal (an inexpensive notebook will serve you well) in which you can keep a record of events relating to the murder and express your personal feelings without fear of criticism. Writing provides a therapeutic and practical method of regaining control of your life, and helps to relieve stress by giving you a constructive outlet for your anger. I keep my journal and a pen on my nightstand and find that putting my thoughts in writing is especially helpful on those nights when I still find myself unable to sleep. If you do a lot of traveling, you might want to consider purchasing an inexpensive tape recorder into which you can record your thoughts and feelings.
In addition to keeping a daily journal, it is a good idea to always keep a pen and a small pad or index cards both with you and by the telephone. Keeping notes of conversations will allow you to accurately record information and review names, dates, and other pertinent facts, the details of which you may find extremely valuable many months and even years after the murder. This is especially important during the trial and when meeting with the District Attorney, Assistant District Attorney or your Victim/Witness Advocate, and will help to ensure that you do not misunderstand information conveyed to you during conversations with these individuals.